The Unvarnished Truth about Bad days.~
I tell myself over and over it’s just a bad day, a bad week, a bad month but it’s not a bad life. I tell myself that as I’m sitting in a long queue, as I’m looking in my bathroom mirror on the verge of tears, as I’m constantly trying to lower my heart rate from the overwhelming stress I’m feeling.
I want so badly to believe things will work out for the best but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. It feels like a complicated mess and disaster that’s never going to end. It feels like I’m drowning in my own decisions and just letting the stress consume me as I’m sitting on the empty room floor eating a tub of Snowman’s ice cream because I’m feeling sorry for myself.
I just want to give up, part of me just wants to quit because as they say, when it rains it pours, and it’s damn pouring.
I don’t know when it’ll get better, or how, but I know I have to stay hopeful. I know I have to cling to that hope because without hope there’s nothing. Without hope it doesn’t get better.
I know it’s not a bad life — I know I have people who love me and support me and want me to do well. I know I have enough money to eat lunch and sit in restaurant and be able to buy a decent meal once in a while. I know there are plenty of good things I have going for me but it’s easy as all hell to let the bad things outweigh the good.
It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong instead of what’s going right. It’s easy to let the little things that happen wiggle their way into your head and completely destroy you.
It’s so easy to just forget all the good, all the things you have and focus on what’s going wrong. It’s easy to overlook the people who are there for you because you’re frustrated and angry. It’s easy to break down and feel bad for yourself. It’s easy to want to quit and run away. It’s all so easy to do. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to just book a plane ticket back to Bora-Bora and run the hell away from everything I’m feeling right now in this moment.
But I know that wouldn’t solve anything.
On your worst of days, you will stumble upon the things that make you strong. They will turn your insecurities into something you can be proud of, your fears into what you can overcome, and your downfalls into what brings you the most peace. You may feel the strain and the discomfort of times that may not go as planned, the uncertainty of the unknown, and the anxiety of what is yet to arrive. But it is in those moments, you gain the tenacity to see things through, persistence to continue to believe in the impossible, and a relentless heart to love who you are through it all.
The joy in your greatest days come from your most difficult moments, the peace in your most serene thoughts is what you’ve mastered from chaotic times, and the abundance of optimism you have came from the negative thoughts that once believed everything you were not. A bad day will teach you the most valuable life lessons, remind you that you are stronger than you think, and encourage you to embrace the beauty in adversity with open arms at all times.
Flowers can’t grow without the rain, a seed is covered in the dirt before it sprouts above the surface, and after a storm occurs, the most colorful rays of light invade the blue skies.
Your bad days may make you believe that everything is falling apart, that there is no longer a light at the end of the tunnel, or that things will never get better. But it is those same days that everything will unknowingly come together, that the cracks in your heart can fully let in the things that are meant to heal you, and that you will stumble upon an immense amount of strength from your greatest source of power. They are the places that will break you to heal you, make you uncomfortable to make you invincible, and remind you that the sun always rises after every dark night.
I hope you learn to value your darkest nights as much as your brightest days. I hope the moon comforts you in the thought that the light is still present even in the darkest corners. I hope you don’t wish your bad days away but learn to understand them and embrace them. I hope you learn to see the beauty in shortcomings, disappointments, and missed opportunities, as what is meant for you will never pass you by. I hope your worst days empower your greatest strengths, nurture your greatest power, and inspire those who thought it wasn’t possible.
May it lead to your best days yet to come, knowing it’s not a bad life. I know things will get better. I know life will become lighter and more enjoyable again.
The lows are here to remind us how lucky we are when the highs roll around, they teach us how to be appreciative.
I’m working on focusing on the good in every day and letting the bad things pass. I’m working on letting go of what I can’t control and instead doing all I can to ensure I’m doing the best with the things I can control. I’m working on letting the stress pass through because I know focusing on it hurts more than helps.
It’s not a bad life, just a bad day, I say to myself as I look in the mirror, as I sit in a long queue, as I sit on my tiled hostel floor.
It’s not a bad life, just a bad day.